2009年1月26日 星期一
=(
really not feeling well lately, physically and emotionally...
my back has been hurting a lot in the past few days, thought it was just muscle pain from my bad back at first... but for two nights, I woke up because of the pain... then i found out that the pain doesn't really come from the back muscle... but something hurts at the back of my body when i tried to press on my tummy... i can't tell what organ it could be... hope it's not something serious. i know i should get a check up if it doesn't go away, but i'm just so exhausted emotionally that i have no interest in doing anything about it at this point...
work hasn't been a very happy place for me. i kept failing in meeting the expectations. work load is high and i seriously suck at what i am doing. colleagues are nice, workplace is good, but i just feel like i dun fit into this place. sitting in front of the computer all day drains all energy out of me. i can't deal with the working culture in hk. It's really too stressful for me. You can tell me how everyone in hk is also so ridiculously busy, how everyone is working 12 ,14 hours a day and i really shouldn't be complainning. But these are MY feelings. They can handle the stress doesn't mean that I can do the same. Why can't I vent it out? Why is it not reasonable for me to be upset? For a few times I thought, if I were to have some kind of serious illness or disease, then i would have an excuse to stay out of all these and just live the most out of the short time that was left. I know this is so silly. I'm trying to keep myself from being so depressed. I can't let myself have depression.... I'm trying... trying very hard to deal with the stress and be happy..... trying very very hard....
my back has been hurting a lot in the past few days, thought it was just muscle pain from my bad back at first... but for two nights, I woke up because of the pain... then i found out that the pain doesn't really come from the back muscle... but something hurts at the back of my body when i tried to press on my tummy... i can't tell what organ it could be... hope it's not something serious. i know i should get a check up if it doesn't go away, but i'm just so exhausted emotionally that i have no interest in doing anything about it at this point...
work hasn't been a very happy place for me. i kept failing in meeting the expectations. work load is high and i seriously suck at what i am doing. colleagues are nice, workplace is good, but i just feel like i dun fit into this place. sitting in front of the computer all day drains all energy out of me. i can't deal with the working culture in hk. It's really too stressful for me. You can tell me how everyone in hk is also so ridiculously busy, how everyone is working 12 ,14 hours a day and i really shouldn't be complainning. But these are MY feelings. They can handle the stress doesn't mean that I can do the same. Why can't I vent it out? Why is it not reasonable for me to be upset? For a few times I thought, if I were to have some kind of serious illness or disease, then i would have an excuse to stay out of all these and just live the most out of the short time that was left. I know this is so silly. I'm trying to keep myself from being so depressed. I can't let myself have depression.... I'm trying... trying very hard to deal with the stress and be happy..... trying very very hard....
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