wanna scream

心情又好差啦，好唔開心，好 mung jung，好想大叫

帶我走

please.

=(

really not feeling well lately, physically and emotionally...

my back has been hurting a lot in the past few days, thought it was just muscle pain from my bad back at first... but for two nights, I woke up because of the pain... then i found out that the pain doesn't really come from the back muscle... but something hurts at the back of my body when i tried to press on my tummy... i can't tell what organ it could be... hope it's not something serious. i know i should get a check up if it doesn't go away, but i'm just so exhausted emotionally that i have no interest in doing anything about it at this point...

work hasn't been a very happy place for me. i kept failing in meeting the expectations. work load is high and i seriously suck at what i am doing. colleagues are nice, workplace is good, but i just feel like i dun fit into this place. sitting in front of the computer all day drains all energy out of me. i can't deal with the working culture in hk. It's really too stressful for me. You can tell me how everyone in hk is also so ridiculously busy, how everyone is working 12 ,14 hours a day and i really shouldn't be complainning. But these are MY feelings. They can handle the stress doesn't mean that I can do the same. Why can't I vent it out? Why is it not reasonable for me to be upset? For a few times I thought, if I were to have some kind of serious illness or disease, then i would have an excuse to stay out of all these and just live the most out of the short time that was left. I know this is so silly. I'm trying to keep myself from being so depressed. I can't let myself have depression.... I'm trying... trying very hard to deal with the stress and be happy..... trying very very hard....

而家

「而家」逐漸變成唔開心嘅集中營...

So do you find a job that you like? or like the job that you found?
人應該找他喜歡的工作，還是喜歡他找到的工作?

笑與開心

在失去了開心之後，笑很努力地在鏡前日夜練習。
有一日，笑笑嘻嘻地跟開心說：「原來我唔等於你，你唔等於我。現在我沒有你，仍然可以笑嘻嘻地過。」

I hate nutritionists! sorry if i offend anyone.

Actually, I hate ppl or business ppl who would rather see or hire a nutritionist than a dietitian because it's cheaper.

I know I am being unprofessional here. Forgive me. This is merely an emotional post.

討厭只向錢看的香港商人。

五天內第二次被朋友夾約。兩次都是時間到了，我打電話給朋友，他們才說有要事不能來，說很抱歉忘記致電告訴我。 我真的沒生氣『他們有要事不能來』，只是不明白怎樣做到『忘記致電告訴我』。那是說，不等到我的電話，也記不起約了我嗎？

既然朋友沒出現，我亦只好回去。坐車的時候我一直在看新買的小說，到站了，也不想回家。於是買了一杯冷咖啡，想要走去海旁的大石堆看書。

途中經過以前住的那一座，是小學時候的家。看到爸爸以前的車位，記起我小時喜歡回家時在車上裝睡，這樣爸爸就會揹我回家，不用自己走。看到以前住的單位，露台上掛滿了衣服，不知道現在的住客是怎樣的人呢? 在那地方，我爸媽曾經一起替我慶祝生日，也曾經吵吵鬧鬧，讓我聽到最不想知道的。直到最後一個在睡房，一個在客廳，甚至一個不回家。那個地方，住著我開心和不開心的回憶。

坐在海旁看書，覺得自己有點像小說裡的喜喜。可以的話，我也希望請一個私家偵探來跟蹤自己。讓心愛的人做自己的守護天使。